My dad is one to pun. To a crippling, nauseating, excessive extent, he can turn the most basic, boring conversation into an opportunity to make a horrible pun. As a young kid, when I would ask him if he would please make me a grilled cheese sandwich, he would say, “Poof! You’re a grilled cheese sandwich.” At that point I would either throw something at him or leave the room. There are too many opportunities within the English language for predatory punsters. When I hear the words “drum mixer,” for example, the little hairs on the back of my neck get all prickly.

I imagine myself as a procurement officer for some company, and I’ve been assigned to purchase a drum mixer. My worst nightmare would be to have to buy a drum mixer from my dad. “Eeyallow?” I hear him saying in my head. “Hello,” I would say. “I need to buy a drum mixer.” After working out my power needs, the size of the mixer and other specifications, we would hang up. A week later, upon delivery of the product, I would find not a large drum within which are contained mixing agitators, but instead a mixer that shakes drums up and down. I would then have to call my dad back and try to return the wrong product.

I’m assuming (and hoping) that people with a sense of humor like my dad’s are few and far between. Instead of getting an expensive pun, I would get to speak with someone who would ask me, “Do you want a mixer that mixes drums, or do you want a mixer that is a large drum that contains mixing agitators?” Both products exist, and, obviously, they’re used for different purposes, and understanding the distinction could save you some time.